Breaking News: Ice Cream Trucks are bad!

According to a study recently undertaken by this website's team, 7 out of every 10 drug dealers and 8 out of 10 sexual deviants prefer ice creams over other forms of transport. Thus making the ice cream truck a bonafide conspicuous mode of transport.

Why I Lost Poker Night.

First I would like that mention that Jamie is a great person and I only make fun of the ones I love. Except I do hate his blog, so here we go.

There I was in second place. I was close, so close to winning the game. If I got two lucky hands, I would be the owner of 4 dollars and 2 I.O.U's. To my left, the man in women's sunglasses smugly calls everything I raise. The boy across from me starts squeaking angrily about the cards he keeps getting. The dealer has lost everything. And to the right is Fabrizio, but he isn't important.

This is poker night.

The football game is blaring behind me, and UT is losing badly. I think they should have done more blitzes because Florida always walks it out, but what do I know.

Pictured: Football

I have an 8 and a 5. I start cackling. "Cackle," I cackle, and the man in women's sunglasses glares at me. The boy who squeaks folds, and he flails his hands because Boy Scouts are weird. The boy is Jamie.

Pictured: Jamie W. as a child.

What should I do? Should I fold? No, I can't fold. Then I'd be just like Jamie, the squeaky boy scout.

No, I raise 1000. Smug kid calls it. I cackle. The cards are out, and I have nothing, but my nothing is better than Smuggy, who is too embarrassed to introduce us to his girlfriend. Too bad, because Jamie and the dealer alright followed Smuggy to his girlfriend's house!

Pictured: Jamie now.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. "I won" I say. But wait, who is taking the chips? Those aren't my hands. My hands are beautiful, and his are chunky and horrible.

It was Fabrizio. 

FABRIZIO DIDN'T FOLD? HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY! 

And then I tried to cackle, but I cried instead.

Lesson of the day: Fabrizio exists, and he never folds whenever I forget that he does.

I'm Back! For America!

Hey everyone! Sorry I was away for so long! I decided to watch Jamie's blog train wreck away while I festered in school work and procrastination. Also, I decided I can swear a little bit since this doesn't have my real name on it anywhere! Seriously look! It's not here! Suck it Colleges! Whores!

That was the only clean and funny college photo I could find! The rest were full of beer and partial nudity! Thank you Moderate Safety Google Image Search!

Anyway, here is some gossip!

1: Levi Johnston, who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter, had another baby! And he named it Breeze Beretta! Like the gun! Natural Selection, you prankster, letting all these people through our gene pool.

Pictured: How many southerners picture Charles Darwin.

2: I don't know who Vince Lombardi is, and people have been laughing at me. Who is he?

People already laughed at me when I asked what kind of pasta he was.

3: Apparently, This happened. If you don't want to read that, here's the opening line: "In July 2012, three aging anti-nuclear activists, including an 82-year-old nun, cut through fences surrounding the "Fort Knox" of uranium storage, and U.S. lawmakers want to know how that was possible."

I always thought Fort Knox held gold, not uranium. ALso, the part about THE GODDAMNED NUN.

HAppy renewed interest in my blog everyone!

WOOOOOOO 100 VIEWS

HOORAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Here's a joke: How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Ask it to clap until its parents come home.

Now stop crying.

Hey There Internet!

I also enjoy mentioning One Direction and Justin Bieber in hopes of getting more web traffic from tweens on the internet! Thanks Mark K For the Suggestion!

Now here is Abe Lincoln riding a bear

Bill Nye is an Awesome Guy

So here's the dealio people: most people are stupid. Here in the Bible Belt (and I'm using belt both like an asteroid belt and like a belt used to beat kids, because that's another stereotype of rednecks down here) a large amount of the population do not believe in evolution. Good for them. I love a good laugh. But you know who does believe in evolution? BILL GODAMN NYE THE MOTHER FRICKIN SCIENCE GUY. Your childhood scientist has just been promoted to my list of people that I respect (Other people on the list include Dolph Lundgren, George Carlin, and Atilla the Hun).


This is why Bill Nye the Science Guy is such a cool Guy

And we all know that anyone who doesn't agree with Bill Nye Should Go Die.

Bill Nye gets another point for being a children's show host who didn't masturbate in a public theatre (I'm looking at you Pee Wee Herman).

Today's lesson: The South is funny, and always will be, but at least Science isn't stupid.

Good Afternoon World

By reading this blog you have done two things not including reading this blog. One: You are not reading James P Wise's blog. Two: You have denied your work from winning the battle and let procrastination reign free. Welcome to this blog, where the views of many will be posted to the public because everyone knows that our opinions are more interesting than yours. To start off, a video will be linked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua3M1O-WQrM That was a badger versus a snake.

The lesson of today is that cuddly things are often deadly things. Have fun hugging that bear.